


Insecurity

by legopenguin2



Series: AOT Modern Setting AU [5]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, POV First Person, POV Krista Lenz | Historia Reiss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:07:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27554338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/legopenguin2/pseuds/legopenguin2
Summary: I should have known better.People leave. They always do.So why did it so much hurt more when it was Ymir?
Relationships: Krista Lenz | Historia Reiss/Ymir
Series: AOT Modern Setting AU [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1838257
Comments: 2
Kudos: 35





	Insecurity

**Author's Note:**

> Edit from 4/1/2020: slightly changed the ending and phrasing for 1 or 2 sentences

(Historia's POV)

I should have known better.

People leave. They always do.

So why did it so much hurt more when it was Ymir?

No matter how much time I spent trying to figure out just exactly what went wrong, the only 2 reasons I could pick out… I hated it. I hated how sick I felt from the thought that a certain odd conversation Ymir and Reiner had might have led to Ymir distancing herself from me, or worse: her avoiding me because I opened up to her about my relationship with my parents. And the worst part? Our mutual friends were as confused as I was.

I was absolutely consumed with desperation to know why she was ignoring me like this, when throughout the 3 years that I had known her, she was so supportive. Was this truly the breaking point for her? _Does she actually… hate me?_

I knew I had quite the problematic tendency of seeking validation from others, but something about this just wasn’t the same.

 _We have to talk this out. I can’t let our friendship end like this._ I wanted some form of closure if she really did hate me, but above all, I wanted her to show me that everything I had been worried about was unwarranted; I wanted her to stay.

***

The moment I spotted Ymir’s tall figure about to leave the school, I sprinted up to her, pulling on her uniform blouse. Ymir stumbled a little backwards before she turned around.

“What the fuck was- Historia?”

“Why don’t you hang out with me as much now?” were the first words I blurted out. For a brief second, she seemed to be caught off-guard, but quickly schooled her expression, merely offering a quirk of her eyebrows in response.

Then it hit me that it had been the first time in days that I managed to even talk to her at all during our free time, and I couldn’t stop myself from pulling her into an embrace, my head against her chest.

“I miss having you around, Ymir,” I uttered, a certain flutter in my heart resurfacing. I still couldn’t quite identify what it was, but when she returned the hug, telling me she missed me too, I knew then that I could never let go of her.

“I thought you… you hated me,” I whispered shakily.

“God, no,” she replied with a small laugh. “I could never.”

***2 months later***

_“Pff, you really thought I wouldn’t hate someone like you? You’re fucking ridiculous,” scoffed Ymir._

_"No, you’re lying, you have to be,” I said aloud, more to convince myself. “You said you would never hate me…” She outright laughed, as though what I said was completely outlandish._

_"You’re so fucking delusional, you know that?”_

Then I woke up, tears streaming down my face from her last words before I finally had a grasp on reality. _Ah… it was just a dream._ I wiped my tears away with some tissues before hugging my bolster tighter, as though doing so would completely erase any traces of my nightmare. _I thought I’d gotten over that…_ I stared at my phone that was on my dresser, wondering if I should reach out to Ymir, then glanced at my bedside clock.

 _3.46 am. What are the chances she’s still awake?_ I sighed, deciding against messaging her. _She’s been by my side since then… There’s no way she hates me, right?_

 _But what if she just pitied me?_ I tried to shake that thought out of my head, but it was to no avail; I was left trying to fall back asleep with it at the back of my mind, my heart like lead.

***

More often than not, Ymir saw through the facades I put up while I was down. This time, it was no exception.

“You look like shit,” she pointed out suddenly while the two of us ate together.

“Thanks. I know,” I retorted, sounding much bitterer than I meant to.

“Geez, who hurt you?” she asked, concerned. _You in my nightmare? And now I’m scared that this nightmare would come true?_

 _Wow, I’ll sound like an idiot if I say_ that. I kept quiet, hoping that she would drop the question, but she continued staring at me expectantly, concern frighteningly clear in her grey eyes. I gulped.

“You… you won’t ditch me again, right?” I mumbled. She looked taken aback.

“Huh?! Of course not,” she said. “The fuck would I do that for?”

“I-I don’t know.” I avoided her eyes. “You did that before… you could do it again.” Before I knew it, tears were stinging my eyes, my voice cracking. _Oh my God, no. Not now!_

While I was busy trying to reign in my emotions, Ymir wordlessly moved to sit beside me and stroked my back. I couldn’t help but relax under her touch, a shaky sigh leaving my lips.

“I don’t think what I say will ever be enough but… I’m so sorry,” she said, voice uncharacteristically soft. “I was so shocked when you let me back into your life just like that, you know. But…” she paused, chuckling dryly, “I hurt you much more than I thought, huh?” I merely nodded, biting my lip to stop myself from fully sobbing.

“Historia,” she whispered, and something about the way she said it just stirred up a certain feeling of warmth that I couldn’t put a name to. “I…” _You what?_ She opened her mouth, then closed it again, before sighing, pulling me into a hug instead.

“Huh?”

“Just… trust me when I say that dumb shit I did wasn’t because I hate you,” she continued, clutching the back of my shirt more tightly. “You’re the closest friend I’ve ever had… There’s no way I can bring myself to hate you, much less leave you again.” With how sincere she sounded, the tears I held were turned into happy ones as I cried into her shirt, Ymir awkwardly patting my back.

After what felt like forever, she joked, “I can’t marry you if I ditch you, after all.” My head shot up.

“My God, I’m crying and you say things like this? Work on your timing, Ymir!” I complained as I hit her shoulder, laughing regardless.

“But you like it, don’t you?” she said with a big grin. Hearing her joke like that no doubt relieved me and reaffirmed the fact that we were friends, but I refused to give her the satisfaction of knowing how much I liked it and huffed instead, shaking my head good-naturedly.

“You’re such an ass,” I retorted. She only grinned more.

“So we good?” she asked. I nodded, returning a smile.

I knew how rare it was for Ymir to express care directly, if at all, and yet there she was, telling me exactly what I meant to her, what I needed to hear.

With her affirmation, it was a little easier to handle the doubts that still haunted me every now and then.


End file.
